Irregardlessly

  1. I see a lot of people writing letters to their babies while pregnant,

    so I thought I’d give it a try.

    Dear Cousin Larry and Balki Bartokomous,

    Just wanted to write you a note to say that you’re making me really fat. There’s a girl at work who is a month further along than me and you can hardly tell she’s pregnant. I’m okay with it, but I thought you should know that before you were born, your mom was a size 6 and looked great in a bikini. Please ignore any pictures someone might show you to prove otherwise.

    Oh babies, you must be growing so much, because I can’t poop. Before I went to the doctor, I was sobbing every time I walked into the bathroom. It’s so funny, because you guys are going to poop so much! It will be adorable. I will be so jealous.

    I wish you guys could see my boobs right now, because they’re laced with these crazy blue veins and look vaguely super-hero-ish. And my belly button is on the verge of non-existence.

    Your dad thinks all of these things are super cool (except for the pooping - he doesn’t really like to hear about that one), and it is pretty amazing, but it would be more so if you would let me get some damn sleep.

    I am very excited to meet you and think we’ll have a lot in common. Already, the three of us are pretty in sync with our love of ice cream sandwiches.

    You guys better not turn out to be jerks.

    Love, Mom

    2. Posted 1 year ago 33 notes

    1. penbleth said: I love this.
    2. taucher said: Chuckling while I read this in my classroom.
    3. irregardlessly posted this