Irregardlessly

I think the first question I’ll ask when he’s done is why he likes to sit on that bench thing so often.

I assume this means you’re all down to babies-sit.

We’re really excited. And terrified. And terrified. And excited.

Thank you.

Ooooooo this must mean my egg salad sandwiches are coming along!

Farts will have never tasted so good.

what does that make the men they sleep with?

Oh, of course. Average, healthy American males.

Still angry. Getting angrier. Stupid facebook. But sometimes I feel so horrible for unfriending someone based on their beliefs/political affiliation. I feel like that’s small of me. Whatever. I’m a big girl - I could use a little smallening today.

I am eating this cookie at 10:32am because there was a cookie within 5 feet of me that no one else had dibs on and that’s reason enough.

I am hoping another cookie appears at 10:36am.

I am giving up on this entire week already.

There has been lots on the internet, on TV, in every goddamn crevice of life about abortion, and today I saw stuff start to appear about miscarriages. And it’s thrown me off. Horribly.

I support one and have been through the other.

If I was to have an abortion, I would not want an ultrasound. As it is not medically necessary, I should not have to have an ultrasound. As the procedure would be my choice, there is no person that should tell me that I am required to have a medically unnecessary procedure done to me to invoke my sense of guilt.

When you break up with someone, you’re not forced to sleep with them one more time just to make sure that’s really what you want to do.

For a miscarriage (at least the kind when your body doesn’t realize it should expel the baby), an ultrasound is 100% medically necessary. I certainly don’t think anyone should be forced to look at the screen if they don’t want to, but I disagree with people saying they should not have to have them.

Emotionally, it was also completely necessary for me to see that my baby had died. Otherwise, how could I have gone home and put the pills on my cervix to force myself into contracting out my baby? I had two ultrasounds, one week apart, as ordered by my doctor, before the pills and eventual surgery just to make sure.

I don’t think that everyone having a miscarriage wants to see the ultrasound. I’m not saying that. At my second appointment, I did not look at the screen until the very end of the exam, when the person performing the ultrasound asked me to. She did not demand that I look. She said, “I know that you know something bad has happened. Can I show you what I found so that you understand?” And I looked because I needed to know.

No doctor will perform a d&c or prescribe you medicine to force a miscarriage without proof that your baby has died. An ultrasound is that proof. How you handle that ultrasound is between you and your doctor. They also don’t send you to an abortion clinic to have a D&C if you are miscarrying.

I think the thing that has bothered me today is that people are saying miscarriages and abortions are the same thing and should/will be/are being treated in the same manner. I disagree. I don’t disagree that both will change you. And that both suck to go through. But there are things about them *medically* that are not the same.

I’m just kind of disturbed by the outside world lately. Me and my overly-sensitive uterus are retreating into our corner now.