It’s really hard to shake while making quotation marks. Hint: if you’re wearing a bra, just lodge it in there and do a shimmy while you’re quotating with your hands.
I want to scramble you! Irregardlessly. I don’t mean that I want to scramble you irregardlessly. Because thats not really a word. I mean I want to scramble you and my name is irregardlessly. But really my name is Erin. This is getting confusing.
To be fair, I do look like hell.
- Boss: Wow, you look like shit. Why are you here?
- Me: Because my boss is a bitch and works me to death then tells me I look like shit.
- Boss: I like her.
I must be their least favorite patient at this point.
- Nurse: Well, you can resume sexual activity, but we'd still rather you not orgasm for now.
- Me: Okay, so just pretend like I'm in college again.
- Nurse: ...
When you’ve looked for your phone
In the cat food
In the fridge (twice)
In the trash
On the food shelves
In the laundry basket
And then you find it 45 minutes later, sitting on your bed, it’s time to call it a night.
Stop the Internet, I want to get off.
I’m having one of those days where nothing is okay.
Most days, when I see pregnant people, I have no problems. But I know that tonight I have to see a pregnant person that I don’t want to see. And I know 4 (FOUR, FUCKING FOUR?!?!?) people with the same due date I would have had if I had remained pregnant last time. And I love them all. But today, reading my friend’s blog about feeling the baby moving around broke my heart a little lot, even though I know she’s had her own troubles on the way to getting pregnant.
And I keep reading the Internet, which is not helping. People talking about how they knew, as soon as those fucking IVF embryos hit their uterus, they KNEW they were pregnant.
And I can’t help thinking that I’ve spent the past 7 weeks putting myself through this awful physical and emotional hell, and now, when I want to feel something, ANYTHING, I feel nothing. And that nothing makes me sure that it didn’t work. And I hate it.
Let’s just call this “Self-Pity Party Friday.”
Your afternoon stretch warm-up
Should include a mental checklist like:
1. am i stretching in front of my boss?
2. did i happen to undo the button on my pants earlier, making stretching release the zipper on my pants?
3. in front of my boss?
Kitty and I are resting today, doctor’s orders. No household chores, no shoveling, no orgasms. You know, the usual.
